It (Thomas Babington Macaulay. The History of England, From the
Accession of James II) was a fantastic read. 10/10.
As always, I was disappointed with myself for not having read it much
earlier.
Some memorable parts: James' journey across Ireland, the Siege of
Londonderry, the state of the Highlands, the Caledonia colony.
The last one was the most hilarious description of a particular South
American conquest that I've ever heard. Tears were literally rolling
down my cheeks from laughter.
Macaulay also didn't miss a chance to mock the Muscovites for their
"wild and barbarous character":
"The English embassies had historians whose narratives may still be
read with interest. Those historians described vividly, and sometimes
bitterly, the savage ignorance and the squalid poverty of the
barbarous country in which they had sojourned.
"In that country, they said, there was neither literature nor science,
neither school nor college. It was not till more than a hundred years
after the invention of printing that a single printing press had been
introduced into the Russian empire; and that printing press had
speedily perished in a fire which was supposed to have been kindled by
the priests. Even in the seventeenth century the library of a prelate
of the first dignity consisted of a few manuscripts. Those manuscripts
too were in long rolls; for the art of bookbinding was unknown.
"The best educated men could barely read and write. It was much if the
secretary to whom was entrusted the direction of negotiations with
foreign powers had a sufficient smattering of Dog Latin to make
himself understood.
"The arithmetic was the arithmetic of the dark ages. The denary
notation was unknown. Even in the Imperial Treasury the computations
were made by the help of balls strung on wires. Round the person of
the Sovereign there was a blaze of gold and jewels; but even in his
most splendid palaces were to be found the filth and misery of an
Irish cabin. So late as the year 1663 the gentlemen of the retinue of
the Earl of Carlisle were, in the city of Moscow, thrust into a single
bedroom, and were told that, if they did not remain together, they
would be in danger of being devoured by rats.
"Such was the report which the English legations made of what they had
seen and suffered in Russia; and their evidence was confirmed by the
appearance which the Russian legations made in England.
"The strangers spoke no civilised language. Their garb, their gestures,
their salutations, had a wild and barbarous character. The ambassador
and the grandees who accompanied him were so gorgeous that all London
crowded to stare at them, and so filthy that nobody dared to touch
them. They came to the court balls dropping pearls and vermin. It was
said that one envoy cudgelled the lords of his train whenever they
soiled or lost any part of their finery, and that another had with
difficulty been prevented from putting his son to death for the crime
of shaving and dressing after the French fashion.
…
"On the Baltic Russia had not then a single port. Her maritime trade
with the other rations of Christendom was entirely carried on at
Archangel, a place which had been created and was supported by
adventurers from our island.
"In the days of the Tudors, a ship from England, seeking a north east
passage to the land of silk and spice, had discovered the White
Sea. The barbarians who dwelt on the shores of that dreary gulf had
never before seen such a portent as a vessel of a hundred and sixty
tons burden. They fled in terror; and, when they were pursued and
overtaken, prostrated themselves before the chief of the strangers and
kissed his feet. He succeeded in opening a friendly communication with
them; and from that time there had been a regular commercial
intercourse between our country and the subjects of the Czar.
"A Russia Company was incorporated in London. An English factory was
built at Archangel. That factory was indeed, even in the latter part
of the seventeenth century, a rude and mean building. The walls
consisted of trees laid one upon another; and the roof was of birch
bark. This shelter, however, was sufficient in the long summer day of
the Arctic regions. Regularly at that season several English ships
cast anchor in the bay. A fair was held on the beach. Traders came
from a distance of many hundreds of miles to the only mart where they
could exchange hemp and tar, hides and tallow, wax and honey, the fur
of the sable and the wolverine, and the roe of the sturgeon of the
Volga, for Manchester stuffs, Sheffield knives, Birmingham buttons,
sugar from Jamaica and pepper from Malabar.
"The commerce in these articles was open. But there was a secret
traffic which was not less active or less lucrative, though the
Russian laws had made it punishable, and though the Russian divines
pronounced it damnable. In general the mandates of princes and the
lessons of priests were received by the Muscovite with profound
reverence. But the authority of his princes and of his priests united
could not keep him from tobacco. Pipes he could not obtain; but a
cow's horn perforated served his turn. From every Archangel fair rolls
of the best Virginia speedily found their way to Novgorod and
Tobolsk.
…
"Nor does [John] Evelyn seem to have formed a much more favourable
opinion of his august tenant [Peter I]. It was, indeed, not in the
character of tenant that the Czar was likely to gain the good word of
civilised men. With all the high qualities which were peculiar to
himself, he had all the filthy habits which were then common among his
countrymen.
"To the end of his life, while disciplining armies, founding schools,
framing codes, organising tribunals, building cities in deserts,
joining distant seas by artificial rivers, he lived in his palace like
a hog in a sty; and, when he was entertained by other sovereigns,
never failed to leave on their tapestried walls and velvet state beds
unequivocal proof that a savage had been there. Evelyn's house was
left in such a state that the Treasury quieted his complaints with a
considerable sum of money."
I wonder what he meant by "proof that a savage had been there". Did
Peter I have a habit of sleeping in his boots or what?