CANDIDATE FOR A PULLET SURPRISE

                       Jerry Zar, 29 June 1992

I have a spelling checker.                 I have a spelling checker,
It came with my PC.                        It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue           It plainly marks for my review
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.              Mistakes I cannot see.

Eye ran this poem threw it,                I ran this poem through it,
Your sure reel glad two no.                You're sure real glad to know.
Its vary polished inn it's weigh.          It's very polished in its way.
My checker tolled me sew.                  My checker told me so.

A checker is a bless sing,                 A checker is a blessing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.              It frees you loads of time.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,     It helps me write all styles to read,
And aides me when aye rime.                And aids me when I rhyme.

Each frays come posed up on my screen      Each phrase composed upon my screen
Eye trussed too bee a joule.               I trust to be a jewel.
The checker pours o'er every word          The checker pores o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.               To check some spelling rule.

Bee fore a veiling checkers                Before availing checkers,
Hour spelling mite decline,                Our spelling might decline,
And if we're lacks oar have a laps,        And if we're lax or have a lapse,
We wood bee maid too wine.                 We would be made to whine.

Butt now bee cause my spelling             But now because my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,          Is checked with such great flair,
Their are know faults with in my cite,     There are no faults within my sight,
Of nun eye am a wear.                      Of none I am aware.

Now spelling does knot phase me,           Now spelling does not faze me,
It does knot bring a tier.                 It does not bring a tear.
My pay purrs awl due glad den              My papers all do gladden
With wrapped words fare as hear.           With rapt words fair as here.

To rite with care is quite a feet          To write with care is quite a feat
Of witch won should bee proud,             Of which one should be proud,
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,       And we must do the best we can,
Sew flaws are knot aloud.                  So flaws are not allowed.

Sow ewe can sea why aye dew prays          So you can see why I do praise
Such soft wear four pea seas,              Such software for PCs,
And why eye brake in two averse            And why I break into a verse
Buy righting want too pleas.               By writing one to please.


Jerrold H. Zar
Graduate School
Northern Illinois University
DeKalb, IL 60115
jhzar@niu.edu
(Current mailing address: Department of Biological Sciences, same university)

Title suggested by Pamela Brown.
Based on opening lines suggested by Mark Eckman.

By the author's count, 123 of the 225 words are incorrect (although
all words are correctly spelled).

Published in the Journal of Irreproducible Results, January/February
1994, page 13. Reprinted ("by popular demand") in the Journal of
Irreproducible Results, Vol. 45, No. 5/6, 2000, page 20.

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